lacysky

Dead on

2009-05-30T10:24:07Z

May 29, 2009
Let Your Thoughts Go
Taurus Daily Horoscope
You could feel that your emotional state is unsettled today, which could be due to unpredictable changes in your mood. Perhaps these feelings of irritability are a reflection of your inner feelings about the constant changes that happen in your life. It might seem that everything around you is in a state of flux and that even when you are at home you sense the changes that are happening. Learning to be present with change and recognizing the impermanence of things could help you overcome your mood swings today. Should you notice that you feel ill at ease, you can remind yourself that everything changes and even though you do not feel comfortable, your feelings will soon pass. Keeping this in mind might help you recognize that both pleasant and unpleasant feelings undulate.

Acknowledging that change is the only thing constant in our lives lets us remain with our uncomfortable feelings without becoming attached to them. When we feel unsettled about things, it is easy for us to attach ourselves to our moods. Realizing that nothing stays the same, however, allows us to let go of our frustrations when things don’t seem to go right. We become relieved with the knowledge that nothing is permanent for we recognize that our unease is often simply the result of wanting to keep things constant. By becoming aware of the impermanence of your thoughts and feelings today, you will become better able to control them and feel a greater sense of peace.

Yesterday was a bit unsettling and it was difficult to figure out why. I am starting to open myself up emotionally and i think an unhappy spirit settled with me yesterday... yeah i know it sounds crazy... but as soon as i left that room... i began to feel so much better... more clear. less emotionally sad and lost. Every time i went back into that room.... sadness overwhelmed me.

I have been very up and down this week (not bad though) because i finally went back to work. I have been so exhausted the past two weeks. Think I am having a side effect from certain medicines that can have the side effect of anemia. When i was pregnant, my iron levels stayed very low. My therapist recommended getting my iron, b12 and b6 checked... or to just do a full panel blood work up.

Work went pretty well. It was not as difficult to go back and to get into the mindset of Social Worker again.. The first day i lasted until 4:30 before i started having a meltdown. I got out of the office and was fine. Issues of claustaphobia and social claustaphobia are becoming a more predominant aspect of my life now. Its not very easy to deal with, but i am muddling through.

On the relationship side of things...J and I are struggling to find a balance of emotional letting go, maintaining a civil relationship, agreeing to parenting of Sky, and of course the all root of evil - money. Last weekend was horrible. WE got into a major fight. I decided to have a legal separation agreement drawn up. Jay was agreeable to most of what was in it after i explained to him that it would not be filed with the court system..... it was just a legally binding agreement between him and i. I was just having an attny draw it up after we have agreed to everything. WE talked about how what were doing to each other (getting angry for no reason) was affecting everything. I dont want things to be like that b/w us. We got a lot of the air cleared and things settled.... i think now we can be effective parents.

On the family home front... things are going exceptionally well. T and I are getting closer emotionally and are starting to support each other more, taking some of that stress off of Sir. We are spending alot more time together either as a family or on our individual relationships with one another. The growing comittment between all of us is such a warm and fuzzy feeling.. :D I draw from it strength, encouragement, support, and most importantly, love. Their love is what is helping me get through the rough spots.. I feel their hands on my neck and around my wrist when i need calming and they are not physically there to comfort me. Their love and support is there regardless.

to be continued.......

Dont really have one...

2009-05-08T11:02:55Z

The last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me and mine. As some of you know, alot of things have changed in my life over the last month or more. I hit a definite low point, and had to seek professional help for depresssion/anxiety/stress. I am currently on medical leave trying to deal with and overcome the worse of it and it has been a very long and painful journey.
During this time, J and I separated as our marriage came to a bittersweet end.  There are no disparging remarks i can make about the man i married or the father of my son.  He has always been a good husband and father.  We ended it on a mutual note of "we both want each other to be happy, and if being apart is the answer, then that is where the decision will lie" and now we are going through the difficult process of letting go of what could have been, what was and finally what is. I am grieving the loss of a 10 year relationship. I am coping with being a single parent (although i am blessed that J wants to be involved in his son's life, and i have a great support system in both my family and J's family).

Sky is getting through all this as best as a five year old can.  I am so proud of him for having a level of understanding that everyone in both of our lives is his family and all us love him.  That is what we are working hard on to achieve anyway.  He has adjusted better than i thought, but is still going through the loss of not having both of us there everyday. He is my source of strength in the darkness.

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions.  Some of you who know me best, have seen a side to me that even i did not know existed. It's not a pretty side, and it can be down right scary.  But i wanted to give a thank you to all of those who have been such a wonderful support to me during my most worse of times.  You have been there when i needed someone to talk too, cry with, vent with, and grieve.  You have helped me find a brighter side to the darkness and sadness. You have given me comfort, love, friendship, but most importantof all you have given me hope.

MM - thank you for unwavering support, friendship, and love. You have always been there for me as a friend and someone to listen too... You have always made me laugh and smile with some of the most ridiculous text you always send, but somehow, you always knew when i needed them the most....

G and MsR, God i dont even know where to start with you two.  Ms.R, you are just a damn ray of sunshine with your laughter and smile and those beautiful aprons... You took me into your heart well before we ever met and since then have been such a rock for me. We have shared so much for two people that have only met IRL one time.  You have been such a blessing to me, i dont know what i would ever do without you.   You have the ability to make me laugh thru the tears and to see reason when there is none.

G, OMG, there are just no words i can give to you to let you know what you do for me.  You already know.  My life has changed so much since i first met you. You have helped me move mountains in my life, simply by being the sound of reason and experience. If i were a wise woman and i'm not, I would say the Universe put us both where we needed to be that fateful night i met you. My life forever changed and for that i am always grateful. I hope i have given back to you all that you have given to me.

To MsTJ....I dont know where to begin.  We had such a rocky start. Lets face it we could honestly say we hated each other.   But that hate slowly and gratefully turned to something much more lasting.... Our relationship has bloomed in the face of adversity and grows stronger each passing day.  Our start in this relationship reminds me so much of my relationship with my vanilla best friend- M.  We hated each other for five years... our friendship now has lasted 10 years and continues to grow strong.  I hope ours blooms like that.  During the last few weeks...you have been such a sorce of strength for me and i can never repay that back to you.  We have been mirror images of each other in our experiences, growth, and journey. Thank you for every thing that you have helped me through over the last few weeks. You have been one of the few that have TRULY understood where i have been and what i am going through right now and you have been more help to me than you will ever know. I am grateful.

Finally, Sir.  I dont even know where to begin. God you have put up with so much over the last few weeks with all the changes going on in my life.  You have been so patient, understanding, kind, supportive, and loving to me that i dont know what i would have done with out you here. You have sat with me for hours on the phone helping me get throught the worst of it.  You have helped me find my purpose and focus and have guided me back to who i am. You have never wavered in you commitment to me and have stood by me, when most would have said fuck this shit.. its not worth the trouble of dealing with all this crazy bullshit... but you havent.... you have shown me that i am worth all the bullshit and craziness. Without you, god knows where i would be right now.  You have been my shoulder to cry on, my best friend, my rock, my grounding, my support, my calm in the middle of a god damn hurricane. You have held my hand through all of it and wont let go.  I am your girl..and you wont let me forget that when i start to downward spiral. You give me the strength i need to get through simply because of your love.

I am here today because of all the wonderful people i have been blessed with to have in my life. For all those people... know that i love you with all my heart and know how appreciative and thankful i am to call you my loved ones and most importantly of all... MY FAMILY!!!!!

all my love,
little warrior

Hope

2008-12-23T00:21:25Z

Well the last couple of days have been a real break through for me on many levels. For a very long time I honestly thougth I was doing my best to make things work out with someone in order to have some sort of relationship with this person. What I failed to realize is that I was my own worst enemy because of my own fear that I did not realize was playing a part in my actions. I think one of the most difficult and hardest things in our journey of self-discovery and growth is to realize our own fears when they are hidden under layers of other complicated issues. Sometimes it takes the simpliest gesture from someone else to touch that place deep inside of you to break down those walls you erect around your heart or self (even though some of those walls may be invisible to you). That is what happen this past saturday. Someone made such a simple gesture to me that it touched me deep down inside and made me realize that it wasnt her or the situation or the outsiders of our relationship that created a road block from it moving forward, it was my own fear to let her in. The fear of loss, the fear of pain, the fear of change. It made me take down all those walls and push past that fear to the possibilities that i had not only denied myself, but those i cared about. There was a lot fear facing and growth accomplished on Saturday night for not only myself, but for those i care very much for. Nothing is impossible unless you create that impossiblity yourself. I ended up opening a new door on my journey. Where its going to take me doesnt matter, how I get there today is the important part.

I made a gesture back to this person. I asked her to co-top me w/Sir. Anyone that knows me, knows that that is a major step for me in opening myself up to someone on that level. Scening is very ritualistic for me. Sharing that with her was the only thing that came to my mind as a way of showing and responding to the gesture she gave to me. It was an amazing, hot, high energy scene between the three of us. Leaving the fear, the expectation, the judgements at the entrance of the door and walking thru it without those things in tow, was and equated to an amazing experience - going somewhere and beyond what i thought possible. The only draw back unfortunately to that was a panic attack... which has been discussed and dealt with by all parties. There is hope yet that things can and will work out, because those fears we all are having is being faced and shared together.

When we are on this very difficult journey of self discovery, of giving awareness to our naked flame and allowing it to grow and thrive, all the hardship and pain and fear are part of that journey. Once a fear is acknowledged, shared, and faced (whether alone or with support) a new door is opened on your journey. Sometimes the door may close behind you and you move on from what you left at the entrance, sometimes not. But that is part of the journey. You keep moving and doing and going forward. The more doors you open the closer you are to your naked flame. That part of yourself that burns brightly and is true of who you are. Its a never ending journey, for you will always change and evolve into more as you experience, learn and live more.

So what I have i learned. To be open to myself. To be aware of my own fears/actions/judgements daily. To leave those behind me and live in the present and to stop trying to plan for a future that I can not control. To be more open to others.

On an added note for you, my Sempai, I get what the "meaning" of the sound of one hand clapping is. The sound for me is the sound of a door opening and closing. :P *muah*

Food for thought - what i have learned the last few days...

2008-09-19T01:19:29Z

I relearned the meaning of symbolism in my life and the practice of ritualism in bdsm. This weekend EG and I performeda ritual that held meaning and beauty for both of us and deepened our growing bond and connection to one another. This experience left me vulnerable, emotionally drained, and oddly content and at peace with where I am at in my life w/my relationships with those around me.

Shortly following on the heels of th is beautiful experience - sorrow, anger, and hurt quickly rears its ugly head and presents itself because of expectations, misunderstandings and judgements from all sides of the equation.
The anger flared and words were said. They had to be said in order for me to let the anger go. To get beyond the anger and to embrace the pain and hurt and accept it and to let it pass through me. Holding the anger, pain, hurt, and sorrow begrudgingly does not hold any benefit for me. I learned that its okay to feel these things and to accept these feelings; but to hold them for a long period of time only creates more pain, anger, sadness and serves no purpose in my life or those around me that feels the effects of those emotions. "Let go of that which does not serve any purpose or meaning in your life" is what i relearned this week.

Another important lesson that i learned this week was that no one is right or wrong in any given situation because we all have our own perceptions of how things are; how we need them to be, or want them to be - when in reality sometimes we just have to let things be as they truly are and build from that foundation and leave our own expectations at the door so that things can progress in a natural way without clouding that reality w/our own perceptions of what we think we need or want.

Another valuable lesson that i learned this week is that is very important to take responsibility for my own actions, feelings, and thoughts and that no one else is responsible for those but me. I have to own and accept all the fears, doubts, insecurities, and feelings that i have and realize that they arent going to be changed or worked through by anyone but myself. No matter what someone tells me in an attempt to help change a fear, insecurity, or doubt that I have, that change will not simply occur no matter what kind of reassurance I am given until I accept in myself those truths and work through it myself. I am the only person who can truly change those doubts, fears, or insecurities. It is my responsibility to do so. There is nothing wrong with asking for help to work those fears or insecurites but to have the expectation that it's someone else responsibility to change those doubts and fears for me; will only make the fears and doubts remain even longer... they will never truly go away until they are faced and dealt with by me. I have to have faith, belief and security in myself to overcome those fears so that i can be of service to those in my life.

We all have our own demons, fears, and doubts that we all have to work through and deal with on a daily basis. Where we fail to succeed in conquering those battles is when we have the expectation that its someone elses responsibility to fix them or to make them go away. There is no shame or defeat in asking for help in coping and dealing w/these fears or doubts, but the ultimate challenge is recognozing that we ourselves are the only one who can fix or make those fears go away.

I struggle with this on a daily basis.. and I rely heavily on my network of friends and support to help me get through and cope with my own inner struggles. I talk about what is bothering me and I acknowledge and accept what my fears are and ask for advice on how to defeat or overcome those fears. I gradually overcome those fears and insecurites by believing and having faith in myself and trusting those around me to be supportive of me while i process those fears and doubts. Sometimes the first step to overcoming those doubts and fears is to call them out, bring them out in the open and talk about them.

This is just the beginning. More changes are to come if it kills me :)

Are eyes the window to the soul?

2007-09-15T18:57:29Z

Lacy, your eyes say you're Naturally Stunning

Fresh and laid-back, you take the same approach to your makeup as you do to life: Easy does it. We'd guess you're a no-muss, no-fuss kind of gal who doesn't like to spend too much time in front of the mirror. But that doesn't mean you still don't love to look great. You just do it in your own effortless way.

Truth be told, it's your grounded nature and straightforward sensibilities that make you so attractive. When someone looks you in the eyes, they immediately sense your integrity and down-to-earth spirit. And what could be more beautiful than that?

my memory sucks LOL

2007-09-15T00:18:18Z

Lacy, you remembered 62% of the information in the Memory Test.

But research shows there's a lot you can do to improve your memory. And if you do, it can help you function in more ways than you'd think. There are 6 main types of memory, which help us interpret and store different types of information. You scored highest in reading memory.

That kind of memory allows you to interpret the meaning of a reading passage, and store a general sense of it for later use while you continue to read along. If interrupted, you're better able than others to recall what you've just read. This type of skill also makes it easier for you than others to remember specific facts and details that you pick up from reading.

lacysky @ 2007-08-30T22:33:00

2007-08-31T02:34:28Z

Lacy, your Key Motivator, the thing that really drives you to success in life, is Curiosity.

Based on your answers about values, past behaviors, and internal priorities, we can tell you look for ways to be independent, to understand how things work, to have new and diverse experiences, or to explore sexuality. In addition, you may find that you're also motivated by aspects of prestige, stability, connection, and experience.

My animal spirit

2007-08-30T03:52:31Z

Your Score: The Grizzly Bear

Here's your results! Your spirit animal has a Nobility ranking of 14 out of 18.

Your spirit animal is the Grizzly Bear. No other spirit animal matches it's size and strength. This creature is among the noblest and most respectable, and you are truly fortunate. It is both fearsome and awesome to behold. It will serve you well, and shows that you have a deeper understanding than most. It is quite rare indeed to have a Grizzly as a spirit animal!

***Wondering how this animal was chosen for you? These questions were carefully thought out to see how important you hold certain virtues such as: humanism, self-knowledge, rationalism, the love of freedom and other somewhat Hellenic ideals. Some of the questions were very subtle. Your score was then matched with an animal of corresponding nobility. However, you shouldn't think this was a right/wrong sort of test, but more of an idealistic values test. It's ok to not hold these values, you'll just get an animal spirit of lower stature if you do!***

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Nobility

Time to get back on track

2007-07-19T02:00:22Z

Wow it has been a long time since I have posted. So many things have happened and yet I dont even know where to begin. Life has changed and evolved... some clarity has been obtained and some thoughts and feelings are so obscure that I am still sifting through them. I recently took some time away from everyone because I felt like I needed to rebalance my many facets of life. This was a great time to reflect, process and grow. Relationships were given a new perspective and are flowing more smoothly in my heart.

As recommended by a friend, I read a book called "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" and OMG.. that book hit home.... there were so many things that stood out for me in that book that paralleled so much of what I have been feeling lately.

One of the biggest revelations that hit me was that everything is in me. The only way to make changes is to let go of the fear of changing and only I can make the choice to do that.... That has been the hardest for me to do. I am making small steps toward gaining happiness and the only obstacle in my path is myself. Some one very special in my life is being very patient with me and my resistance to change. For that I thank him. I have not changed my mind about following my chosen path. Getting there is part of the challenge.

Over the past few weeks, I have been focusing on practicing staying calmer, expending less energy on being angry and focusing on balancing my emotions. I am consciously practicing mindful breathing, until it becomes an unconscious act. I am practicing on responding instead of reacting to situations and emotions., which I may say I have had many people who know me very well, say they have seen a small difference.   I am practicing to take the words, can't and try, out of my vocabulary.

Small changes are occurring that are tangible and encouraging. To turn away now, I would fail myself and my amazing teacher. I know it is a long road ahead and I know I have to let go of my fear of the journey.  Mind, Body, Emotion, and spirit, I have to work on all areas, not just one at a time.  That is my block in thinking I could do it one at a time.  ITs time to change that thinking.

My uniqueness

2007-07-15T03:35:18Z

Lacy, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Agreeable

You believe that people are inherently good and tend to listen to your heart in important matters. You are gentle and have a sincere desire to help and trust others. You are straightforward but don't tend to brag about yourself or your lot in life. You're amenable to people's suggestions, and you are good at helping people realize their own talents, which only makes people like you more. Compared to others who are agreeable, youare unusually easy to get along with. Only 0.5% are unusually easy to get along with. Only 0.5% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.

Im a collie by nature :)

2007-07-15T01:50:59Z

Lacy, you're a Collie!

No bones about it, you're a loyal, nurturing Collie. A sensitive breed, you're always approachable and very in tune with others' feelings — just like Lassie! Because of your empathetic nature, you tend to be the group psychologist to your circle of friends. Your faithful, easygoing, steadfast personality makes you a wonderful confidant; people love to come to you with their troubles. Bottom line? You're a star at interpersonal relationships and have a knack for making new friends and acquaintances wherever you go. After all, what's a Collie without a flock to look after? Since you're so giving, your buddies might not realize that you need them just as much as they need you, so make sure not to neglect yours truly. Everyone deserves some "me" time. Woof!

yes another test ~LOL

2007-06-17T16:51:09Z

Lacy, Following Your Passions Exhilarates You

Love makes the world go round. For a true romantic like you, nothing invigorates you more than affairs of the heart. Affectionate and charming, you appreciate the people in your life, whether they're friends, family, or sweethearts. That's why your signature scent is as sweet and intoxicating as you.

From your work to your hobbies to your social life, you've got a great passion for the things you pursue. You're in touch with your emotions and know what you want. And it's your strong sense of self that lets you follow your heart when it comes to big decisions. No wonder you have so many admirers!

Im sorry I am addicted :>

2007-06-16T21:12:33Z

Lacy, you have a Secure relationship attachment style.

You tend to be an open and trusting romantic partner. You find it relatively easy to get close to people, and are generally comfortable depending on others.

Attachment style begins in infancy with the interactions we have with our parents or primary caregivers. Through these early relationships we begin to understand the dynamics and patterns of close relationships and we carry this perspective into our adult relationships.

10% of those who have taken our test share this style of attachment.

When you choose a romantic partner you tend to gravitate towards those who have what psychologists call a preoccupied attachment style. These are people who show a great deal of openness and are eager to get close in a relationship. People with this attachment style can be very devoted partners.

Your answers on our test show that when it comes to relationships you have grown beyond your earliest attachment issues. While you may not have every issue resolved, you're making substantial progress at establishing healthy relationship patterns

Values test :)

2007-06-16T15:07:04Z

Lacy, your values help make you a Responsible Friend

Your giving and honest nature makes you the kind of person almost anyone would be proud to call a friend. As one who places a high value on your personal integrity, you seem to try to live by the ol' Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Because of this inclination, you're the type to insist on taking responsibility for your actions, even in difficult circumstances. You also appear to take conscious steps to honor your commitments to others.

Who are you compatible with?

The values types you're most likely to click with — whether in business relationships or in love — are those types that most closely resemble your own set of values. As a result, people with the same type are usually the most compatible. But besides being with another Responsible Friend, the two types that you most closely match with are Forgiving Humanitarian and Ethical Benefactor

Yet another test smiles

2007-06-16T14:35:33Z

Lacy, when you reveal your true colors in love, you're a Connected Partner

You are the kind of jovial people-person who can brighten almost anyone's day. You take great enjoyment in having deep emotional attachments; that's true both in love, as well as with your friends and family. As a result, when it comes to romance, you're likely to seek out a partner you can feel completely bonded to and share your innermost thoughts with. Once you've found this special someone, you'll likely keep them happy with your caring nature and sometimes-goofy sense of humor.

Progress

2007-06-15T07:06:50Z

feels good. Understanding and recognition of self feels really good too. I am far from where I know in myself I have the potential to go. I acknowledge and accept that where I am going will simply take time to get there, but having seen the changes and FELT the changes is a great booster to keep moving forward.
I am learning the benefits of breathing, although admittedly, sometimes its easy to forget to do it when faced with a difficult situation, or overwhelming situation. I have to consciously remind myself to do it. I recalled on a past instruction from a teacher I hated in high school. I found that the best way to practice breathing is to practice while singing music. I can finally say I learned something from my music teacher that is of great value to me right now. BREATHING.
So yes teacher, that is something that I am practicing daily now. Several times a day. For three hours on the way up to charlotte I practiced breathing... which kinda was not a good thing, because I found myself being too relaxed... LOL.   I have found all kinds of situations to use it in this week. I have found that my normal typical reactions are changing slowly. Instead of reacting, I am processing and breathing and trying to stay calm, instead of going into an emotional roller coaster. Its a start.

Today was a very happy day for me today. I talked to my wonderful husband and my beautiful son. My son is growing so much and is very much my heart. I love hearing him tell me about his day and tell me that he loves me. I love seeing that he is growing into the person I hope him to be. I was able to spend time with a friend that I dont get to connect to as often as I would like to, so this was a nice way to end my time in Charlotte. Reconnecting to the past is sometimes a good thing to do. He has been a main constant in my life for the past couple of years. He is the one who started the initial changes in my life and made me more open to the idea of meeting my naked flame. If it werent for him, I can honestly say I would not be who I am today. He opened alot of doors for me to explore in myself, because he saw all along the potential of who I was, but he also knew that it was a journey that he could not take for me and refused to give me the answers to what he knew. He told me recently how proud he was of me, stating he knew all along what I am finding out for myself. Then tonite I got to be with my family in a small way even though not in a physical sense. It felt so good to be genuinely connected to so many people and to know that what I feel for these people in my life is mutually returned. I got to meet a new person and found her to be very cool and open. I wish I had gottent the oppt to meet her in person and to sit down and really talk to her. But as someone pointed out, I will most likely in the future get the oppt to meet her. I felt a good energy and truthfulness to her. I am glad to know that someone i care about a great deal has her in his life. It just felt so good to be connected to everyone tonite.

I am so proud of one of my dearest friends. She was so nervous and anxious about everything falling into place and I told her she could do it. I told her to have confidence in her strengths and to realize her own self-worth, and in that simple exchange of encouragement to her to realize her own potential, I realized that I need to do the same as well. Its growing day and day. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful network of friends and family that are so supportive of me and encourage me to be who I am and accepts me for me, faults and imperfections and all.

Before I came to Charlotte, alot happened the weekend prior and alot of things for me were in a state of emotional confusion. That emotional confusion has sense cleared itself and is back to normal. The boundaries are back in my mind clearly defined and not misconstrued. The feelings are truer now than when they were previously fantasy co-mingled with outside influences. I just had to sort out the truer feelings and it worked.

My connection type

2007-06-15T05:52:42Z

Yes I have been taking test again!! Dammit... that is what idleness gets you when you cant sleep :)

Lacy, your connection type is The In-depth Conversationalist

Whether it's 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon, you're probably the friend people call when they need someone to talk to. "Lean on me" might as well be your theme song. You're a great confidante and advisor who's especially good at listening to your pals when something's on their mind. Just make sure they're willing to do the same for you!

Marathon phone calls don't tire you out! You've been working on your endurance for years. Whether talking about the major events in your life, spelling out every detail of your last vacation, or giving the all important blow-by-blow of your last date, you've got stories to share with the loved ones in your life! And if that afterthought occurs just after you hang up? No worries. You're not ashamed to call back for a quick update. Sure, your friends might tease you about your flair for drama and attention to detail. But they always know that when they need you, you're just a phone call away.

My emotional IQ

2007-06-14T21:22:22Z

When I was in my child development in child welfare training, they touched on emotional IQ's vs Inteligence IQ. They reported that the emotional IQ was more of a marker for success in life. So I took an emotional IQ test.
These things can be addicting, but I dont know the accuracy of the test. These were my results :)

Lacy, your Emotional IQ score is:

132

The above chart shows where you fall on the Emotional IQ scale compared to others. You scored higher than 98% of other test takers.

Your Emotional IQ measures how well your emotions guide you towards smart decisions. In fact, increasingly, researchers are pointing to Emotional IQs as better indicators of overall success in life than traditional IQ tests alone. Healthy relationships and flourishing careers are impossible without interacting successfully with others. Even someone who possesses a genius Intellectual Quotient (IQ) can miss out on the wisdom that comes from understanding another human being.

What makes Tickle's Emotional IQ test more comprehensive than others, is that we structured the test to actually isolate different interpersonal skills and how well you use them to your benefit.

As such, each of your scores on the 4 emotional intelligence dimensions, Perception, Expression, Empathy, and Emotional Management, are independent of one another, despite the fact that only in combination do they yield your true EIQ.

That also means that you can score high on all dimensions, low on all dimensions, and any permutation in between. There are plenty of reasons to understand where your strengths and weakness lie. In so doing, you can play to your strengths and work on improving your skills on all the dimensions.

As we noted in your initial results, your emotional strength, or the dimension on which you scored the highest is Empathy. For an in-depth look at those dimensions, read on about your Emotional IQ profile.

Perception

Expression

Empathy

Emotional
Management

The psychological community agrees that the dimensions portrayed in the above chart are the cornerstone of your Emotional IQ. Here's what they mean in this context.

Perception
Your perception score measures your ability to perceive other people's emotions. It also indicates your innate ability to recognize other people's emotions through nonverbal communication channels. In other words, it gauges how well you pick up on the things people aren't saying. And that's a powerful skill because nonverbal communications — body language, facial expressions, touch, tone, and appearance — often convey a person's true feelings. In fact, some researchers estimate that 93% of all communication is nonverbal. The higher your score, the stronger your edge on the competition.

Expression
Your expression score measures the extent to which you allow yourself to feel and to express your own emotions. It gauges how comfortable you are in expressing the full range of emotions — both positive and negative. Being able to express a range of emotions implies that you understand the difference between what you really feel as opposed to acting in the manner you think you are supposed to feel. When you get better at expressing emotions, you also accept those emotions as valid — and valuable — in making decisions.

Empathy
Your empathy score represents your ability to understand and appreciate other people's points of view. Experts agree that your ability to see things from perspectives different from your own will make you a better communicator and, in general, a more perceptive individual. It also indicates how much benefit of the doubt you are likely to give people and how much leeway you give them before you form conclusions about them, their ideas, or their motives.

Emotional Management
Your emotional management score reflects how much you let your emotions affect the world around you. It measures how good you are at understanding your emotions and acting upon them. Emotional management also gauges whether you let your emotions drive your actions or whether you tend to contain them and base your actions on things more objective than your emotions.

Now that you better understand the dimensions that make up your Emotional IQ, we can take a look at your individual scores. Remember, like everything in life, you can always improve your rating on these dimensions. In fact, Tickle's test is designed to help you do just that so you can more easily get what you want in your life.

The perception scale

Perception

You scored 7 out of 10 on the perception scale.

You are fairly adept at picking up on non-verbal cues. You're relatively sensitive to subtleties in people's expressions and gestures, and, in most cases, can feel out the "vibe" of a situation. However, there are times you've missed signals which is why you could still stand to spend more time honing your powers of perception.

For example, if you noticed someone glancing at their watch during a conversation, you may or may not be aware of the various signals this action could be sending. The time checker could be anxious to end the conversation — or they could just be checking the time. You'd want to look for further signs — perhaps the tone of their voice, whether or not they're focusing on you or are distracted — to get at the meaning of their gesture.

Chances are, you would have interpreted the situation correctly. However, there are times when you may have missed this person's cues that signaled they were in a hurry and perhaps did not have time to chat with you. As a result, they may have been annoyed by your attempts to prolong the conversation.

The underlying messages of people's behavior are sometimes complex and inaccessible to us. As a result, it's always best to pay equal attention to what is being said and what is not being said. The goal is not to focus on just one aspect of non-verbal communication but to integrate all the signals to increase your perceptiveness.

The skill of perception is one that can always be improved no matter how adept you may already be. One way to become better at decoding people's emotions is to watch yourself express emotions in the mirror. This helps you systematically distinguish different facial expressions. Take a look in the mirror and try to imagine how you would expressively react to the following scenarios. Think about the facial expression, tone of voice, and body language.

Surprise — Think about walking into a surprise party in your honor
Disgust — Smelling milk that has gone bad
Fear — Think about hearing an unusual noise in the middle of the night
Sadness — Think about a tragic death you've heard about on the news
Anger — Think about being rudely treated by a clerk or waiter
Happiness — Think about receiving praise and a raise at work
Mild Irritation — Think about listening to your friend brag for the twelfth time about the raise they just got when you didn't get one

Once you've practiced these different emotions, take note of how easy or difficult they were to convey. What are the chances you would've been able to pick up these signals in others? Once these scenarios become easy for you to express, incorporate more difficult ones that are a mixture of different emotions. Keep in mind that a good game of charades is helpful for this, as well.

The expression scale

Expression

You scored 7 out of 10 on the expression scale.

Your score indicates that you are relatively comfortable in expressing your emotions. However, you are not as open with your emotions as you could be and may even be embarrassed to acknowledge or express them. You are fairly in tune with both your conscious and unconscious feelings and why you are feeling a particular way.

For example, if you'd been working for a promotion at work you might have been confiding in a close co-worker about wanting a certain position. Then, a couple days later you might learn the position you'd wanted has been given to your co-worker! Although rationally you understand she wasn't vying for the position behind your back and it was a matter of circumstance that she got the position over you, you still feel disappointment and anger.

Chances are, because you are someone who is relatively comfortable expressing emotions, you probably won't hide your disappointment because it's not "rational." Instead, you might realize this is a situation that needs to be addressed between the two of you. You know that ignoring this touchy situation could breed resentment further down the road. Simply put, you have a need to clear the air. Whether you do this effectively or sensitively is another story, but the point is you do not waste energy protecting yourself from what you feel.

Sometimes people mistakenly equate being self-aware or relying on your emotions for your responses as a sign of weakness. This may be a problem for you. In the above example, it might be hard for you to express disappointment to your co-worker because it shows you have a vulnerable side, that you felt hurt.

However, you are self-aware enough to understand that all the intellectualizing and rationalizing in the world cannot erase your discontent. After all, you recognize you will be compromising your happiness if don't tend to your emotional needs.

Myth 1: Emotions are more primitive than reason.
Emotions originate in the brain just like reason, even though you might feel them in your heart or in your gut. They are equally valid when making decisions, the key to making informed decisions it to consult both sides of your brain.

Myth 2: Clamping down on your emotions is a sign of strength.
Unfortunately, too many people mistakenly believe that being able to turn off their emotions makes them powerful. Conversely, some people think that feeling and emotion gives you permission to act upon it. The key to managing your emotions is to strike the right balance. You must first allow yourself to feel your raw emotions, then you must temper them with the rational side of your brain. You're so angry you want to punch someone? Then let yourself feel that emotion, just stop short of acting on it and make those emotions available to your rational side to balance out.

Myth 3: Some emotions are bad to feel.
All emotions are informative. Just because our emotions sometimes put us in an unpleasant state does not mean they should be avoided. Our emotions can tell us when there is something in our environment that needs fixing.

Myth 4: The best judgments are ones made without emotion.
Our society has valued the rational parts of our brain to the detriment of the emotional parts. Think about how many violent acts are committed because people don't know how to effectively deal with their emotions and instead simply snap. To achieve true harmony within ourselves, both sides of the brain need to be acknowledged and attended to.

People who believe in the above emotional myths cling to those legends to justify living their lives numbly. Any expert will tell you, however, that numbing yourself to reality will only lead to exhaustion and unhappiness. Exhaustion will take hold because it takes a lot of energy to suppress your feelings. Unhappiness will set in because people who are unwilling to experience the lows of life are also cheating themselves out of experiencing the true highs.

You were born with the same gut instincts that have aided our species through years of evolutionary change and survival. Digging deep within yourself to rediscover your intuition requires that you believe that you do have an unconscious capable of acting without the aid of rational thinking.

Exploring how you feel can be scary, but it ultimately proves to be an empowering experience. After all, passionate feelings fuel your thoughts, your ambitions, your desires, and ultimately provides meaning in your life.

Try keeping this in mind the next time you're unsure about what you're feeling. Chances are the answer is right there inside you — it might just simply be a case of learning how to listen to yourself. The first step is giving credence to any thought that arises. Remember that just because you're having a thought, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Just acknowledge that it's there. You'd be surprised how such a simple act can sometimes point you in the right direction.

The empathy scale

Empathy

You scored a 9 out of 10 on the empathy scale.

You respond to others with your heart and soul. People sense your genuineness and commitment to being a compassionate person. You are able to not only observe other people's situations, but also understand the importance of empathizing instead of criticizing. You are not one to put down others simply to boost your own self-esteem, and that's because you're good at putting yourself in other people's shoes.

You are astute enough to know that sometimes you won't have all the information about another person you need to make a fair judgment of them or their actions. You acknowledge that you don't know their background, their personal or financial situation, or another key element that might be driving them to do something a certain way.

You wisely realize this, and therefore can look at people in a forgiving light — at least until you're able to process all the information you need to make an educated and fair assessment of the situation. You also realize that you, too, might come under scrutiny by other people and will want them to think about the true motivations behind your actions and realize that circumstances may drive you to act differently than you normally would.

You also have a capacity to understand actions you yourself don't condone or agree with. It is your ability to see many sides of an issue that allows you to do so. All of us need people in our lives who honor our individuality and imperfections.

You are a compassionate person who understands that the world is enriched by the presence of imperfect and quirky people. You are generous in giving them the space they need to be themselves — and hopefully this allows you to be yourself, as well. Steer clear of people who do not extend the same support as you do.

You may frequently encounter people who latch on to you because they can sense how emotionally supportive you are. Ask yourself: Are they doing the same for you? Of course, they may not have the same level of emotional intelligence in this area as you do. But they should be able to fulfill some of your needs.

If you find yourself drained by others, it is time to reevaluate some of your relationships. Simply let people in your life know what you need. Asking people to support you in specific ways is not asking too much, nor is it unfair. You are allowing them a chance to be there for you in meaningful ways.

People like to feel needed, so you are doing a favor for friends who genuinely enjoy having a mutually satisfying relationship. As for those who do not appreciate your candor, you may need to establish new boundaries for what you can expect out of them, as well as what they should expect of you.

The emotional management scale

Emotional
Management

You scored a 9 out of 10 the emotional management scale.

You recognize that feeling emotions and acting upon them are two separate things. Whether you believe that emotions and moods need to be experienced as they occur, or that they should be channeled into something positive, you are in charge of how your emotions will impact your life.

Experts say that the ideally, emotions should guide, not dictate, our own behavior. Emotions are extremely visceral and as such, can hijack our sense of logic and reason. But people with high emotional management scores like you understand this phenomenon, and know how to make decisions independent of the emotions they are experiencing at a given time.

This skill in and of itself puts you well ahead of many. The ability to make more objective decisions will likely take you far. Managing your emotions and psychologically taking care of yourself are critical life skills. You are aware that although you may not be able to control the type of emotion you experience or when you experience it, you do have control over its duration and the extent to which it controls your behavior. This is not to say, however, that emotions never contribute to your decisions. At times the emotions you are having are appropriate guides for your actions. And with your keen sense of emotional management, you'll know when and where to base decisions upon them.

Although it is a natural and useful emotion, anger can get out of control. Anger that gets out of control or that turns into rage needs to be kept in check. Most people want to act out aggressively when they get angry. Unfortunately, behaving aggressively can lead to violence and unintentional disastrous consequences for everyone.

Experiencing anger can be seductive because it feels so powerful. However, you need to ask yourself: Who is in charge here — you or your emotions? The power that you are feeling is most likely one that you have no control over. Being truly powerful is to dictate how you will confront the situation that is angering you so that you can achieve a peaceful resolution. The important thing is to not let your anger lead to more harm for yourself and others. Here are a few anger management techniques for you to think about.

Breathe deeply. Simply allowing your body to relax will help its physiological recovery.
When you are feeling out of control, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to regain your composure so that you won't say or do anything that you will later regret.
Stop thinking too much! Overanalyzing usually leads to a downward spiral in which you start to recall additional real and imagined reasons for why you should be so angry. This only magnifies and distorts our perception of reality in ugly and harmful ways.
Instead of getting defensive, get empathic. If you are in an argument with someone, try to take their position and see if you can relate to their perspective. You may not agree with them, but perspective taking should at least get you calm enough to understand what their motives are.

Learning my positive chakra ~

2007-06-11T23:50:57Z

Okay I am not very sure how valid this is but this is what i found so far:

Lacy, your most positive energy is flowing from your Fourth Chakra

This chakra is located in the center of your chest, near your heart. The fourth chakra represents higher emotions, such as love, tenderness, and compassion. In your case, this chakra appears to be clear and unblocked so that positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your fourth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to possess an emotional maturity and depth that allows you to empathize with others. Whether you're interacting with strangers or the people closest to you, your fourth chakra conveys the kind of true compassion that can set others at ease.

If I were a wise woman, and Im not, I think this is a good start

2007-06-11T04:02:21Z

to begin learning: Thanks to a special friend for typing this. I hope you dont mind I am borrowing to post on my LJ so that I can have a freindly reminder.
*bows respectfully*

I am thinking about all that we have talked about. I will work on your assignment for me and get with you on it :) **with lots of love**

For Warriors

There are those on my blog who read what I have to say with some regularity, and these concepts apply to all of them. I have some things to share, to honor them and maybe to help them. There are those who cope with physical illness, others who cope with mental illness and horrific histories of trauma. There are those who cut and burn themselves, those who live daily with horrific trauma, those who cope with cancer and cancer treatment, and those who are no stranger to pain. They are all warriors. As always, this is also for myself.

According to Dan Millman, the Peaceful Warrior, we all struggle with the 4 Natural Laws because we are socialized away from them. They apply equally to the body, mind, emotions, and spirit.

1. Nonresistance, or Blending, is not numb passivity---it's instead flowing with the natural currents of life and making use of whatever circumstances arise as a lesson to learn until there is no need to repeat that lesson. Lessons are everywhere. Notice them by noticing the same thing happening over and over in your life, and having the same result. Don't "try" to fix things, because that drains your energy---and sets you up to fail. Do, or do not.

2. Accommodation is making realistic and gradual demands on your body, mind, or emotions, as a progressive journey. Strive for positive change, but gradually, within your capacity to change. It's a long process, so respect and honor your journey. Yes, you will change, if you trust this process. Do not wonder if you can change, because that drains your energy---and sets you up to fail. Be resolute that you will change. Do not allow doubt.

3. Balance is recognizing your natural limitations, and not having expectations of others. As another Peaceful Warrior named Jenner recently wrote, “Unstated expectations are premeditated resentment.” You can exceed these limitations for a short time but you will pay the price eventually. You will react instead of respond, you will become weakened and ill, impatient and frustrated, and that drains your energy---and sets you up to fail. Do not have expectations and do not exceed yourself.

4. Natural order allows for progressive development over time. Progress is slowed by both not training/working on yourself, and also by overtraining/working on yourself. Do not 'should' on yourself, i.e., "I should be learning/recovering/growing faster", or "he/she/it/them should love me." Being dissatisfied with things as they are drains your energy---and sets you up to fail. Do not push too hard, and do not give up. Ever.

Therefore, to the warriors who read this, I challenge you. One of my favorite maxims, taken from the Samurai, is "To Know is to Act". Please think about these natural laws, and apply them. I have hurt and embarrassed myself and others repeatedly to learn these lessons, and I continue to do so every time I forget them. I know that some of you will read this, grasp the idea, and apply them. That's why you are warriors.

Dead Man Walking

2007-06-09T13:57:01Z

Song by Automag

You put yourself above
The brother that I loved
Pulled the trigger
then watched him as he died
You sat there on the stand
Told your story to the man
You tried to have me put away for life
You're a Deadman
Deadman walking
You're a deadman
Deadman Walking

They kept me locked away
for three years and day
where the concrete walls and bars are all i see
So run rabbit run,
you best get yourself a gun
cause you know that on the day they set me free,
You're a deadman
Deadman walking
You're a deadman
Deadman walking

You can never give back
What you've taken from me
Your hands are stained
With the blood of my family

Im locked and cocked
I'll explode like a bullet
Got my finger on the trigger
and im gonna pull it
You're a deadman
Deadman Walking
You're a deadman
Deadman Walking

Bullet automag song

2007-06-09T13:42:53Z

Been down for so long
You start to feel you might just belong here
Yer getting tired of running,
But you've got a date to keep with a bullet.
A young man with a habit
Killed my brother at 23,
Now he's got himself a date with a bullet
Hes gonna answer to me
Hes gonna see that I am
Judge Jury and Hangma
Make him see that I am
Judge Jury and Hangman
I am
Judge Jury and Hangman
Make him see that I am
Judge Jury and Hangman

made it thru the week

2007-06-03T15:45:18Z

Hmmm well I made it through this past week. I have been so tremendously busy with work, that I havent had the energy to even post. I made a post two days ago, but I made the error of spell checking the damn thing and lost the entire post. I was a little irritated with myself at that point. The week turned out to be a good week on many levels.

Wednesday and Thursday went a bit smoothly although there were moments of madness. I made it thru testifying at a TPR hearing and was even complimented by the parent's atty on how well i testified, although he was kind enough to point out a certain nervous habit I was not aware that I had. IT made me appear upset. Oh well something to figure out :)  I graciously thanked him for his constructive critism and told him I would work on it :)

Friday was thank god Friday. I was able to get some things done but what I wanted to get done didnt work out. I ended up having to help a co-worker do a supervised visit at the mall !!!! Nightmare visit. Thank god when it was over. My co-worker was kind enough to offer me breakfast, lunch and supper for my troubles.

Saturday was somewhat tiring and exhausting. I came to the realization that I dont think I want anymore kids LOL. My son and my neice had a play date tghis date and two is more than I think I want to voluntarily handle. They did play very well together and my son took turns sharing which is a major thing for him. So I was very proud of him. After hubby got home, I took the oppt to complete some work. But my son decided that was not acceptable so we went round and round and I finally had to blow up at hubby for not helping me when I had already asked him to help keep baby entertained. Its something that I have to have done and although i hated iggying my son... I didnt have much of a choice. This crap has to be done and I dont have the oppt to do it at work.

I got what needed to be accomplished accomplished. Today has been an emotional roller coaster. Today my son has picked the day to be irritable and whiny and go from one emotion to the other. HIs moods have a strong tendency to influence my moods.. hence why Im so moody today. I hate being moody. But I accept we all have our days and just have to refocus all that negative energy into a more positive energy. Getting there is alot easier said than done sometimes, but its something I need to work on.

Well its time to go face the inlaws !! WOO HOO!!! Lacy thinks she just needs some serious time alone is looking very foward to June 11th cause I will be going out of town for training and will have the oppt to have 3 days to myself.

The adventures of Lacy, Phin and Outlawchick

2007-05-26T14:43:44Z

HMMMM the fun I had last night. Me and Hubby met up with a friend, outlawchick. We met at her house for some very physical activities planned. We began with the bed, next the coffee table, and then other various things around the house. Hmmmm now how many of you are wondering just what we were all doing???? Welllllll Get your mind out of the gutter!!! Althought that would have been alot more fun than what we actually did with the aboved named items. We were helping her move... LOL.. We loaded all of her things that we were taking to her new house. She closed yesterday and we promised to aid her in being able to sleep in her house that night. Well, we are leaving to head over to her house, Phin had a trailer hitched to the back of his SUV and we were off. Outlawchick was in the lead i was in the rear Phin was n the middle. No sooner we pull out, Phin is having difficulties with the trailer *he forgot to raise the wheel at the front* Well outlawchick has left us and phin is fixing the hitch. I call her and get her voicemail to let her know we no longer seee her, she calls me back and while she and I are talking im looking ahead and see the trailer start to waiver as my phin looses control of the trailer and next thing i know, im yelling to outlawchick...: oh shit, oh shit. repeatively then "fuck phin lost the trailer" then i say very calmly " i have to go. bye" The trailor unhitches and flies off to the right of the road and runs smack into an old tabacoo barn. I was freaking out watching this as it happens. My only concern was my friends furniture on the back. Outlawchick comes up and for someone who has no idea what happened other than "we lost the trailer" she was very calm. We are trying to get the trailer moved and traffic is getting irritated because this is a small as town with small streets. A good samaritian who saw the trailer take its own course decided to come back and aided my Phin with getting back. Outlawchick and I are standing near the vehicles just waiting for the cops to come as this is a small town, reliving some of our past stories that have ended up with some very funny stories to tell afterward. This ranked right up there... We could not stop laughing at what had occurred. Fortunately no one was hurt, the furniture was safe *thanks to Phins diabolical handiwork with ropes*, and we were on our way. Outlaw keeps a diary of funny events that occur and makes up catch phrases for events. To give you an idea and no i wont explain some of these, but some have earned the honor of nics such as "triple d" and "naked rodeo".

Sighing with relief

2007-05-24T22:58:18Z

Woo Hoo I made it through the day and Im doing ok. Ended up not having to go to Court - my cases most likely got ocntinued. But that is okay with me I completed my to do list for work and was able to work through half of it just today. Some of the things on my to do list will require some time, however, it gave me a focus to get through the day and to keep what was important to get done in my mind. I was so happy to strike that yellow hightlighter across my to do list of things completed.

I also was able to remain relatively calm most of the day. No anxiety attacks or overwhelming feelings of disorganization and I was really able to focus.   I havent been able to that for a couple of weeks lately.  I decided tonite I was not going to bring any work home, except my calender so that I could plan out the rest of the month for when I would do my monthly contacts with my kids. Other than that, fuck it work is not going to be in my home tontite LOL

I have been thinking alot about relationships lately and how in my life, I am very blessed to have some great people in my life, whether it be on a casual level, playful level, internet level, or intimate level. I find that i tend to catergorize my relationships with others to aid me in setting boundaries.   I have some beautiful friends that are a huge part of my life and god help me I dont know what I would do if something horrible happened to them. Although am making wonderful friends, I find that I also have the tendency to stretch myself thin and have difficulty makiing time for everyone that I would love to spend time with and this saddens me. So to all my firends that you may feel i have forgotten or ignored, please know that you are always in my heart and thoughts and that I love you each very much. I may not be there physically to do things with you and spend time with you as I would like, but you are never forgotten.